Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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