Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I want to walk on stilts...naked
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
