Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
