oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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