My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
