i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
