im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
