1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
