A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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