Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
