Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
