so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
