Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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