so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
