i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
