it hurts more in the daytime
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
