The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
And my parents said I crawled through the house
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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