So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
