Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
