Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
