9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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