Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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