If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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