Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
