so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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