Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
