she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Found the puke drawer
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
