why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
