i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
