I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Actions speak louder than pants.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
