Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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