I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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