but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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