I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
