I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
