he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
