I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
