i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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