Your face is a jimmy john
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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