Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize