Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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