Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
