Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
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i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
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He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Everyone says I win the strip club
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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