just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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