.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
