i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
