This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
