shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
