my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
