Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
