I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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