I wish I only lived at night.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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