found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
