woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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