Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize