For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
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I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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