Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
