the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
