he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
