You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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