hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's shark week go big or go home
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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