I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
