dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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