i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Houston, we have a squirter
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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