Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Be still, my beating vagina.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
