when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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